


Princess Raven Starheart, Warrior of All Time - Chapter One - New Arrivals at Hogwarts

by Talyesin



Series: Princess Raven Starheart [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Final Fantasy VIII, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Flirting, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, Mary Sue, OC Takes Over, Out of Character, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 11:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15629325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talyesin/pseuds/Talyesin
Summary: An absolutely terrible parody fanfic to end all fanfics, which I wrote about 15 years ago. Some people found it funny. I hope you do too.





	Princess Raven Starheart, Warrior of All Time - Chapter One - New Arrivals at Hogwarts

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a parody of some of the terrible fanfic I used to read on Livejournal, fifteen years ago. It's deliberately, intentionally, horrifically bad, with terrible grammar and spelling, and the characters have only a vague, passing resemblance to the characters they're based on, existing only to give the hypothetical 'writer' an excuse for her Original Character someone to interact with. It made some of my friends laugh, so I am putting it up for public consumption. enjoy.

Princess Raven Starheart, Warrior of All Time - Chapter One - New Arrivals at Hogwarts

Harry and Ron met on platform 9 and a half. Ron wearing his hand me down robes and Harry in jeans and sweatshirt. 

“Hey Harry how was your summer?” Ron inquired from his old friend. They are seventh years now and would be graduating that year.

“Not bad Ron you?” harry answered. “Where’s Ginny and Hermione?”

“Somewhere around here, you might not recognize Ginny she’s changed a bit.” Ron replied, hauling his things onto the train as the conductor yelled All Board!

Harry leapt to join his friend and they found themselves a compartment to store themselves. Ron sat down and Harry sat next to him.

“So Head boy eh?” Harry exclaimed. “Way to go!”

“Thanks Harry sorry it wasn’t you mate,” proclaimed Ron proudly displaying his Head Boy badge. “I dunno who’s Head Girl though.”

“Probably Hermione she deserves it,” harry Admitted.

“Who deserves what?”giggled a voice from the hallway. 

Standing in the door was a beauty the likes of which neither boy had ever seen, slender and curvaceous with long golden tresses cascading to the small of her back. She wore a Hello Kitty tank top with revealed a considerable expanse of her ample bosom and low cut flare leg blue jeans with high heeled boots. She smiled sweetly at them her grin lighting the cabin with her glowing features her eyes glittering with sapphire intensity.

“Hello!” harry squeaked not recognizing the beauty before them. Ron sat with his mouth open unable to speak.

“Oh harry, you boys are so silly, it’s me Hermione!” said the golden-haired goddess in front of them.

“What happened?” Ron managed to stammer as hermione bounced into the room, eager to be with her old friends. She gave them both a hug, crushing her massive breasts into their chests, and was gratified at the response she received. Harry’s quite a bit more obvious than Ron’s.

“Mum said it was a late blooming thing, like a sudden spurt of puberty or something,” hermione giggled again, twirling one finger in her long luxurious locks of blonde hair. She arched her back a little giving her old friends a good look at the deep cleavage she had developed over the summer. And giggled again as they both went red and tried not to look. “I did my hair and my eyes with a little charm spell I cooked up.”

“So are you Head Girl?” squeaked Ron trying to change the subject.

“That could be taken both ways Ronnie” Hermione teased licking her lips.

“But no,” she admitted. “I didn’t want it anyway I was tired of being little miss Goodie Two Shoes all the time I want to have fun in my final year!!!”

“Hey guys” said a familiar voice. It was Ginny wearing a black tshirt and black jeans black boots on her feet and burgundy coloured hair replacing her normally fiery red tresses. She was also wearing thick black eyeliner and black lipstick starkly against her pale skin.

“Hey Ginny,” said Harry. Ginny’s eyes pooped out of her head as she saw the changes that had overcome her best friend Hermione. Hermione gave Ginny a big hug and both boys watched lustfully at this display. Hermione noticed and giggled to herself then said.

“Hey Ginny we should like change into our uniforms eh?”

“Yeah! But where?” Ginny asked understanding her friends plan instinctively.

“Why not here?” Hermione replied blinking her wide cerulean orbs.

“Okay!” Ginny agreed readily. “But... in front of the boys?”

“Ulp!!” Ron gulped suddenly flushing as scarlet as his long hair tied in a ponytail.

“No we’ll wait outside and block the window in the door” Harry said grabbing his friend and heaving him out the door.

“Let’s drive them crazy” hermione whispered to her best friend.

“Okay!”Ginny agreed, giggling.

The two striped down to their bra and panties only Hermione’s were bright blue and Ginny wore black. Ginny admired her friends curvaceous form the newfound fleshy orbs and perfectly rounded buttocks giving hermione the body, of a glistening goddes.

“Wow Hermione there so big!” Ginny said loud enough for the boys to hear in the hall.

“And firm too! Wanna feel?” Hermione said, taking her friends hand and putting in on each massive breast in turn.

“Wow so firm I can’t believe it! They’re like 36 DD right?” Ginny said unable to keep from giggling. In truth she was getting a little excited, for she had only that summer realized something about herself. but she wasn’t ready to admit it to her best friend.

“And look, this is muggle underwear called a g-string” hermione said proudly displaying her acquisition. She pulled it on and modelled for her friend.

“Wow Hermione you are totally sexy now all the boys will want you!” said Ginny enviously.

“Well we’ll see” Hermione teased trying to see if the boys in the hall were having the desired effect. “Maybe I’ve got my eye on one boy in particular?”

“Bloody hell” Ron said in the hallway.

The pair giggled and teased the boys as they got into their school uniforms.

“Okay you can turn around now boys” Hermione called to her friends in the hallway.

“I don’t think so, Harry said squeakily. “I have to use the bathroom.”

“Yeah me too” ron Agreed heading in the other direction.

The two girls collapsed into heaps of giggling.

“Hermione I should probably tell you something” Ginny started to say but a form at the door stopped her speech.

“Can I sit here?” the girl asked. She had long fiery red hair that fell in cascading waves of ringlets down to the small of her back. She wore a tight fitted white tee that read Princess and displayed her shapely body not as big as Hermione’s newfound developments nor as small as Ginny’s but somewhere around a 34C. And lowrider bellbottom jeans her makeup barely noticeable against her creamy complexioned skin only marred by a scattering of red freckles across her nose and cheekbones. Her eyes were sparking in the dim afternoon light a bright emerald green that shone with merriment and intelligence though hooded with an unspoken tragedy in her recent past.

“Sure!” Ginny agreed readily eager to change the topic.

“Okay, sit here.” Hermione patted the seat next to her. “I’m Hermione granger and This is Ginny Weasley.”

“Hi my name is Maria Susanna Carter but no one calls me that not even my family,” she admitted and a shadow crossed her face. She gazed out the window for a brief moment as though fighting back tears and then forced a smile onto her. “Everyone calls me Raven.”

“Hi Raven,” Hermione said hugging her new friend. Raven blushed but hugged hermione back briefly. Ginny just smiled and waved at the newcomer.

“Hey who’s the new meat?” a mean voice spoke from the corridor.

A boy with blond hair and two ugly hulking companions stood at the door. He smirked smugly.

“And who might you three be?”

“Fuck off Malfoy,” Hermione said angrily.

“I cant believe it Granger? Is that you did you get implants or something?” the boy hermione called Malfoy laughed. “So this must be Weasley burgundy hair can’t hide hand me down robes you know. And this last one must be?”

“Raven Carter jerk, now piss off.” Raven said leaping to her friend’s defense.

“Ooo and American too by your accent!” Malfoy laughed to his friends. 

“Don’t make me kick your ass Draco,” Raven threatened her hands curling into fists.

“Don’t make me laugh you don’t even have a wand!” he laughed smugly.

Raven waved her hands a and a bolt of pure energy ripped through the air and slammed Malfoy into the far wall of the hallway, he slid to the ground unconcious.

“We do things differently in the USA!!” she proclaimed as his friends dragged his unconcious form away.

Harry and Ron returned from their trip to the bathroom and were introduced to their new friend. Harry wound up squeezed between Hermione and Raven while Ron sat with Ginny jealously.

Raven could feel Harry’s quidditch-toned muscles as he sat next to her. He was quite cute and of course everyone had heard of the boy Who Lived. His lighting scar was famous.

“Wow Raven that was totally cool!” Hermione exclaimed eagerly. “How did you do that? Where did you go to school?”

“I never went to a real school of witchcraft and wizardry,” Raven explained to her new friends. “ I was taught years ago by my babysitter, a powerful witch in California.”

“Wow that’s cool,” stated Harry simply. “You don’t need a wand?”

“No just my hands” she answered shyly. “Can I ask you guys a question what’s a Head Girl?”

“OMG!!! Hermione exclaimed. “You’re the Head Girl?”

“Bloody hell” Ron sighed.

“Yeah it came in the letter I got when I was staying with my aunt.” Raven remarked pulling out the letter. “It also says I’m pre-sorted whatever that means. Gryffindor?”

“Hey that’s our House cool!” Harry cried. “You’re in Gryffindor!”

They all cheered at the news Hermione most of all. She needed a close friend in her own year since Ginny was a year younger.

“The letter also says that I was supposed to find Hermione Granger and bring her to Professor Dumbledore’s office before the banquet.” Raven read from the letter. She smiled at her new friend. “I already did part of that!” she smiled.

“Yay!” hermione said hugging Raven again. “Normally I’m not so huggy but there’s like this connection between us, can you feel it too?”

“Totally!” Raven smiled agreeing with her.

The train was pulling to a stop and so they got their things and got off the train, Harry and Ron having changed into their uniforms when they went to the bathroom. Raven didn’t have a uniform so she stayed in her muggle clothes.

Hermione led Raven to Professor Dumbledore’s office and spoke the password Sherbet Lemon. The rode the spirraling staircase to the top.

“My goodness Hermione you’ve grown!” Professor Dumbledore noticed the changes in his prize student right away. “And Raven you are quite the beauty as well.”

“ Thanks Professor” Hermione giggled her fleshy orbs straining her uniform sweater. Raven rolled her eyes but whatever.

“You wanted to see us sir?” Raven asked the ancient headmaster.

“Yes I did for I have a secret I must now reveal” the old wizard stated. “It is not easy but I must tell you. Raven, do you know where your family is?”

“My family is all dead Professor they died this summer in a car accident” she admitted choking back tears. “I am all alone save for my aunt who is busy in the Air Force on a Top secret project so I couldn’t go live with her.”

“No Raven, I must now reveal to you my secret. Hermione when is your birthday?” asked the Professor.

“September 19th professor!” Hermione answered brightly.

“Wow that’s my birthday too!” Raven replied looking to her new friend.

“Yes that is the secret. When you were both born a prophecy was given to me by a great Oracle. She told me your lives would be in danger from a great evil greater than even Lord Voldemort as long as you were together,” the old wizard exclaimed sadly. “And so I convinced your parents Hermione to separate you.”

“Are you saying we’re sisters?” raven stated surprise shining from her sparkingly emerald eyes.

“Yes raven that is exactly what I am saying,” Professor Dumbledore explained. “When I heard of your magical abilities from your mentor I knew that I had to make you Head Girl. I am sorry Hermione but the Head Girl is always the most powerful sorceress in the school.”

“My twin sister!” Hermione cried happily, hugging her newfound sister.

“OMG!!” Raven exclaimed, tears of joy overflowing her eyes and running down her cheeks. Hugging her sister back.

“But now that we’re together again that means the prophecy can come true!” Raven realized suddenly.

“Yes Raven” Dumbledore spoke nodded proudly. “You are in terrible danger. You must be on your guard at every moment. Now the great evil of legend may be reborn. It is this which Voldemort has been seeking all these long years.”

“How awful!” hermione replied sadly.

“Yes but we should not let fear overtake us!” Prof. Dumbledore exclaimed happily. “Let us get to the feast! We have a party of special magnificence awaiting.”

“Alright!!” Raven cried, taking her newfound sister’s hand and running to the Great Hall.

Inside the Sorting had already happened so everyone was getting ready to start the feast when Professor Dumbledore rose to make his usual announcements. When the usual stuff was done he proclaimed “And Now let me introduce our two new professors. In charge of Dark Arts, we have Professor Quistis Trepe!”

A tall beautiful woman with hair like cornsilk and eyes like the summer sky stood and smiling shyly behind her glasses her hair caught up in a delicate bun. She wore a golden dress and long scarlet gloves. She nodded to the assembled students and sat down. Delicate makeup heightened her considerable beauty.

“And replacing our Charms professor, we have Professor Willow Rosenberg who comes to us from America!”

A pretty young woman with bright red hair and creamy complexion stood and grinned to everyone. She was wearing a green laced shirt and long skirt.

“Hello!” she said simply.

“OMG Hermione that’s the teacher I had in the US, my old babysitter!” Raven cried, waving at Willow. Willow saw her old friend and waved back smiling hugely. “We became best friends as I grew older” Raven explained to her newfound friends a mischevious look in her bright green eyes.

“And isn’t it great? We’re twin sisters!” Hermione explained to the other Gryffindors.

“I have a feeling this will be a year to remember!” Raven cried grinning.


End file.
